All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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