That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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