Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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