just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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