why didn't you poke me back
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Randomize
