Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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