Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
accomplished twins. life is a go
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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