i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
