I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Everclear isn't food dammit
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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