I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize