if you like me you must not know who I am
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
