we have officially lost it.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
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