Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
