There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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