i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize