I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
