Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize