Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
