My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
