Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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