she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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