they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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