Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
