I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
