Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
