yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
