Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
