My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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