we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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