I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
