you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
