I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
