Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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