If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just invented taco cereal.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
