why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize