it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
