'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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