i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
