i'm lost and i look like a hooker
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
