why do cheetos always look like penises
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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