Kiss
Puke
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
