hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
