youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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