There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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