my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
