you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
