I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
