I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
