My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
