if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize