You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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