I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
