i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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