My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
