It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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