i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
