I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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