So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
