3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
