and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
