why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
