Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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