I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
