remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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