I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Actions speak louder than pants.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
