He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Randomize
