She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
