Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
