Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
