I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
