did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Are my feet made of real feet?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
