my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
