Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize