its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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